Make Mine A Snowball

What would Christmas be without The Snowman?


For years this was just a single verse stranded in the first draft of a novel I’ll probably never finish now, and then a few years ago it demanded to be finished. Its first public appearance was after the funeral of my friend Graham Bell. That might seem less strange if I tell you that the funeral finished with the Ying Tong Song. Graham was always urging me to play more jazz, but I think he would have approved of this anyway. Apologies to both Howard Blake and Raymond Briggs, who might not approve.

Of course this does have a very well-known tune, but I haven’t recorded it until now (even with these words, let alone the original lyric – I don’t think I could pass myself off as an alto or counter-tenor). There is a demo recording that includes it at A Xmas Garland  – just a sketch for a more polished recording I might get round to later with some added string synth and such.

I did once sing it at one of Vic Cracknell’s open mike evenings in tandem with a vaguely jazzy instrumental version of White Christmas which probably proved conclusively that I was not born to compete with Wes Montgomery or Barney Kessel.

I’m snoring in my chair
I think I’ve had too much to eat
And even if I tried
I couldn’t leave my seat.

I’m getting very tight:
I didn’t need those last two beers
And now that last mince pie
Has dribbled down my tie.

Somebody offered me another cup of tea
Turkey sandwich, more plum pudding, woe is me…

I’m sprawling on the stairs
I haven’t got the strength to rise
And dear old Auntie Jill
Is in the bathroom still.

I’ve turned off the TV
The Queen’s speech was keeping me awake
And one more Singing Nun
Is more than I can take

Uncle Dick is feeling sick, he’s running for the loo
Heaving like a mighty monster from the zoo

I’m surfing in my lair
Googling for some online deals
To spend next Christmas Day
On a cruise ship far away…


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